Teen Years - Full Speed Ahead

 Rhett - How did we ever get to "Sweet 16"? 

Super Bowl is always a special time for me.  Stop, pick yourself up.   Not for the reasons you may think.  Those that know, know.  I’m not a sports chick, really could care less.  But, it’s a time I will always associate with the arrival of my beautiful boy.  

Super Bowl Sunday, 2010….I was slated for a check up at the hospital at 38 1/2 weeks pregnant.   Well, they decided I would not be watching the game from home, but rather would be induced.  I was totally ok with it, I wasn’t a very “good” pregnant lady and was ready to evict.  Funny enough, thinking back, so many including myself didn’t even believe I could be a “kid” person, but there I was becoming a mother. 

The best gift I could have ever been given, was given to me 16 years ago.    

Today, we are not watching the Superbowl together for his birthday.  But, I am lucky enough to spend the day with my son.  We will be thrifting and shopping, and hitting all of his favorite spots for Dunkin in the morning and who knows what else along the way.   I have written him a letter every year, on this day, and this year will be no different.  At some point in time, I hope he will appreciate my words differently than he may today.  Teen years are not easy, my words are not always in friendship, but they are always in love.  

Beautiful boy - 

As I stare at you these days, I no longer can see the traces of your soft full cheeks.  I cannot see the wisps of the cowlick that runs nearly ear to ear across your forehead.  The squishy little elbow dimples, chubby knuckles, and hands that would fit inside my palm….gone.  Now, when I stare, I see the angular chin and jaw line.  The subtle signs of whiskers and stubble popping up along the same sweet upper lip that I used to run Aquaphor across when the sun chapped your face and cheeks.   Gone are the days of your hand in mine, and occasionally are the times where my hand is in yours instead.  As my hands age, your hands take mine instead. 

I watch all of this from a distance, sometimes feeling like I’m an observer of a dream.  For, you are the dream I never dreamed to dream.  I never thought I’d be a mother.  I certainly never thought I’d be a mother, and a father.  I also thought I could be both at one time, and now I understand that I cannot be.   What I can be, is strong.  I can, and now often do, remember and then remind you of the little things that remind me of your Daddy.  You have his fingers, and his toes.  You have parts of his sass, and his tone.  You are certainly a part of your Dad, and oh how incredibly proud of you he would be.   

People ask me a lot if your Dad was tall, since you are a head taller than me already.  I laugh and let them know that in fact he was not tall.  It’s seemingly fitting that you are continuing to grow up, taller than the both of us.  You are many things “more” than the both of us.  Kinder, smarter, stronger, funnier, and my hope for you, is that someday you will be wiser.  You have endured many circumstances that most 16 year old young men would never need to.  You have been able to do this with the grace and determination that I’d hoped for you.  There have been days that I doubted “we” could handle these things, but together we continued to put one hand inside the others, and we’ve moved forward.  Never stopping or giving up, but choosing to live and live well, fully and happy.  This, is a wish that I have for you.  Life is full of experiences, joy, love and adventures, but only if you work hard enough and are brave enough to grab them.  

You started out this life with your Cousin,  Danica, next to you in every single step, and spent the first many years with her just weeks ahead of you in age.  It seemed fitting that we do a few photos to commemorate the moments of “Sweet 16” between the two of you.  Cousins truly are the built in best friends we all hope to have.    

Remembering your Daddy,  I’ll continue to share the little things, or answer the questions as they come.  And I’ll point out the details, your fingers, and the shape of your hands.  I will encourage you to consider all who love you deeply, and the dreams that they dream for you.   And….I will push you, to achieve, to be kind and help others, to think of your future and your dreams, and to continue to believe that you can do whatever you can dream.  As long as I am living, my beautiful “baby” boy, you will be. 

Forever yours,

Mom

PS - A huge loving thank you, to the Auntie that decided she'd become a professional photographer to start capturing these babies, around the time this photo was taken at her wedding.  Jayde, we have been blessed to have your love, and your skills, as you have captured all of these kids through the years.  Even if they don't love it now, some day they will all thank you!!  We love you.