12th Year Letter to my son

 

February 8, 2022

Rhett – 

I woke you up this morning softly singing the Happy Birthday song.  When I got to the end of the song, in my own sleepy state, I realized that you were actually my gift a dozen years ago on this day.  This “birth” day of yours, was the most incredible gift I ever received.  Although we celebrate you annually on this day and look forward to another trip around the sun, I will forever be grateful of the gift you were to me on this day.  You made me a mom, something I never imagined for myself.  You have been my joy, and my strength.  You have been my greatest accomplishment.   For your short 12 years, it’s been a journey for you with experiences most don’t have until they are adults.  Not only have you been blessed to ride shotgun to your Mom’s career, joining me in travels all over the country, living in two states, attending events and even sitting in a chair as a model from age 2 on….you have walked a path of great tragedy and loss, by losing a parent through a cancer battle.  You have figured out how to rise above that event and have now focused on how to live a full robust life.  Most importantly, you have continued to live well after all of the crazy along the last 12 years.  You are starting to look towards and imagine your own future and what that might look like for you. 

I’m so incredibly proud of the young man you are becoming.  How I find myself here, I don’t fully understand myself.  I deeply miss my little baby, and my little boy.  Then there are moments, like this morning, when you curl up in my arms and you are again my baby.  You will always be my baby, but while I watch you become a man.  What a fascinating transition.  This pre-teen persona of my son is baffling to me, and I continue to redirect and correct, praise and reward.  I’ll always be a mama who “bribes” the behavior that is coveted, but I’m discovering that you are already making so many of the right choices.  You have an understanding of what kind of human being you want to be.  You are aiming for goals, and often times meeting those goals consistently.   Above all else, you are fully embracing “who” you are.  There have been so many instances of judgement, friendship fall outs, and personal choices that push up against peer pressures.  I’m watching you struggle to stay true to who you are, and what you want.  Figuring out what makes Rhett happy, and not everyone else surrounding you.  This, truly, has been the larger battle for you.  But you are continuing to choose the things that make sense to you, and bring you happiness.  You are continuing to evaluate what things make you happy and what you want, who you want to spend time with, and what exactly matters.  The world today is so much different than the world I grew up in. I feel like I’m riding next to you more often than I am guiding you.  What’s around the next bend?  How do we keep in the front of our thoughts, what’s the best choice?  What is the right decision?

As you gracefully navigate the pre-teen adolescent years becoming a man, know that in this moment, your Mom has never been more proud of the fact you have put your shoulders back, raised your head high, and walked the walk as if you owned it.  You have made me revel in your decisions and capabilities.  You have given me so much happiness and I am forever in awe of the human being you are.  I love you son, and with tears in my eyes, look forward to watching you become a man and find the happiness and successes you are so deserving of. 

Love you more,

Mom